"Da Night Bafo' Christmas"

Speaker Calvin Say hosted the annual House Christmas lunch yesterday, where members and staff, Democrat and Republican, come together to share Hawaiian luau. At this event, the members serve lunch and perform for the employees.  Rep. Bob Herkes (below) brought down the "House" with a rendition of Twas the Night Before Christmas, local style:

"Da Night Bafo' Christmas"

Was da night bafo' Christmas, and all ova' da place,
Not even da geckos was showin' dere face.

Da stockings was hangin' on top da TV
(Cause no mo' fireplace in Hawai'i.)

Da kids stay all crashed, my old man too.
Dey leave all da work fo' you-know-who.

So me, I stay pickin' up all dea toys,
When - boom! - outside get only big noise!

I run to da window, I open 'em up.
I stick out my head and I yell, "Eh! Whassup?!"

And den, I no can ba-lieve what I seen!
Was so unreal, you know what I mean?

Dis fat haole guy get his reindeers in my yard!
And reindeer not housebroken, you know, as' why hard!

But, nemmind, dis Christmas.  So, I cut 'em some slack.
Plus, had uku pile presents pokin' outta his sack!

So, I wait till he pau tie up his reindeer.
Den I yell out da window, "Huui! Brah, ova hea!"

An' I tell 'em first ting, when I open da door,
"Eh, hemo your shoes!  You going dirty my floor!"

He take off his boots, he tell, "You know who I am?"
I go, "Ho! From da smell, must be Mr. Toe Jam!"

He make mempachi eyes and he go, "Ho, ho, ho!"
By now, I stay thinking dis guy kinda slow!"

He look like my Tutu, but little less weight.
And his beard stay so white, mo' white than shark bait!

He stay all in red, specially his nose,
And get reindeer spit on top his nice clothes!

But him he no care; he just smile at me,
And he start fo' put presents unda-neat da tree.

I tell 'em, "Eh, brah, no need make li' dat.
And watch were you step!  You going ma-ke da cat!

Den, out from his bag, he pull one brand new computah,
Choke video games, and one motorized scootah!

He try for fill up da Christmas socks too,
But had so much pukas, all da stuff went fall troo!

When he pau, I tell 'em, "Eh Santa, try wait!
I get plenny leftovahs, I go make you one plate!"

But, he nevah like hang, he had so much fo' do.
Gotta make all dem small kids' wishes come true.

So I wave 'em goodbye, and I flash 'em da shaka,
And I tell 'em, "Mele Kalikimaka!"

When he hear dat, he stop...and I tellin' you true.
He go, "Garans, ball-barans! Merry Christmas to you!"